What Prayer Isn't (and Is)

What Prayer Isn't (and Is)



One reason many of us are intimidated by prayer is that a lot of people such as ministers (like I was), writers (like I am), and theologians (like I wish I was sometimes) have taken something that's basically pretty simple and have managed to make it pretty complicated. Yes, prayer is a mystery, but let's not make it more complicated than it really is. To begin with, let's clear up some misconceptions about prayer.

Clearing up Some Confusion

I've run across some pretty interesting definitions of prayer over the years okay, not so much "pretty interesting" as "pretty confusing."

Prayer As Work?

The poet Gerard Manley Hopkins said, "To lift up the hands in prayer is to give God glory, but a man with a dung fork in his hand and a woman with a slop pail give him glory, too." Indeed, people in most any activity can give glory to God in their chosen activity. But some people have gone a step further and said, "Building a chair or bundling hay or fixing a flat tireanything we do to God's glory is a prayer." Nope.

Fixing a flat tire is, well, auto mechanics. Building a chair is carpentry. Certainly, you can do these things well so well that they make the world a better place and so well they give you honor and God glory. These activities can be like prayer (focused, devoted, selfless), but they are not prayer.

Hyper spiritualizing

How about this one: "Prayer is a supernatural activity." This is an example of a definition that makes prayer sound more spiritual than it really is. Certainly, in prayers we're getting in touch with a Being who lies beyond nature. But prayer itself is a common, ordinary, everyday sort of activity, like talking. Natural people in natural settings use natural words when they pray all the time.

Self-Help

Then there's this: "Prayer is a way of lifting ourselves." As if we had the power to lift ourselves into the presence of God. As if we need to lift ourselves in order to talk with God. Again, the problem lies in overspiritualizing things. If anything, God lowers himself to us in prayermore on that later.


Cosmic Shrink

I hate this one in particular: "Prayer is God's psychotherapy for his children." This isn't so much what prayer is as much as what prayer does. In other words, according to this misguided understanding, prayer helps all those weaklings who need a crutch to get through lifeyou know, the type of people who need therapy. So these people go to God. Not only are his rates cheap, but it turns out that he's also an awfully good listener. Let's get something straight at the beginning of this book: Prayer is for the strong, the weak, the smart, the stupid, the wise, the foolish, people in their better moments, people in their worst moments. It's for everybody.

Wishin' and Hopin'

One preacher said, "A prayer in its simplest definition is merely a wish turned Godward." I almost like this one. It's human, at least. We know what a wish is, and we can figure out what it means to turn Godward. But put this definition in the wrong hands, and it perpetuates the childish stereotype that prayer is about asking and getting things from God.

Shhhh!

Given my previous reaction, you may think I love this definition: "A man prayed, and at first he thought that prayer was talking. But he became more and more quiet until, in the end, he realized that prayer is listening." Nice sentiment, but it's not really true. Listening should be a part of prayerin fact, much more a part than we usually make it. But prayer is more than shutting your mouth or your mind when in the presence of God.

Getting Formal

The formal definitions of prayer that you find in dictionaries and encyclopedias aren't much help, either. The Encarta Encyclopedia, for example, says this: "In its broadest sense, prayer is any ritual form designed to bring one into closer relation to whatever one believes to be the ultimate." Unfortunately, people have some pretty creative ideas about what is "the ultimate." For some it's fine art, for others it's Captain America comics, for others it's sex (okay, close). For Kevin Costner in the movie Field of Dreams, baseball was the ultimate. When he built a baseball field in the middle of his cornfield, it was like an act of worship. Steady meditation on the Mona Lisa is like prayer. The ecstasy of sex is akin to the ecstasy some have experienced in prayer. But none of these activities are prayer.


Talking to God

Clement of Alexandria, a third-century Christian philosopher from Egypt, said it best and most simply: "Prayer is conversation with God." Pretty simple, huh? Let's make sure it's clear, though.

If prayer is conversation, it means first that we talk to God. Prayer is not just wishing and hoping. It is not meditating on ultimate things. It is not doing things for God. It is not lifting ourselves into a foggy spiritual state. Prayer is talking to God and expressing our thoughts, feelings, hopes, dreams, and fears to God. Most of the time, this means using words. Some mystical types say that mere human words cannot adequately convey the feelings and thoughts they wish to express to God. Certainly, words have severe limitations; any writer will admit that. And, of course, there are nonverbal ways to pray: guided imagery, music, painting, and so on. But let's not give up on words too quickly. Think about it: Words are one of the main ways God has communicated with usin the Old and New Testaments (lots of words there!).
Furthermore, the words of Jesus, as much as his death and resurrection, have inspired people through the ages. And when the Bible sums up who Jesus is, it says this: "In the beginning was the Word. And the Word was with God, and the Word was God" (John 1:1). Biblical scholars say "the Word" here means much more than "words." But it means at least that muchthat is, Jesus is God's way of communicating to us. The word is so important to God that he's willing to use it as a name. I may give my children presents; I may coach their soccer teams; I may give them kisses in the morning and hugs at night. But if I never speak with themand especially if I never say to them, ''I love you"there is a large void in our relationship. In the same way, there are many ways to nurture my relationship with God, but the key way is by speaking with him.

Schizophrenia or Prayer?

On the other hand, if prayer is conversation with God, it means that God also speaks to us. "Sure he does," you say. Maybe it's a one-way conversation, you think, but not two-way. A Moses or an Isaiahor people locked up in state hospitalsmay hear God speak, but most of us don't care to keep that sort of company. But as comedian Lily Tomlin put it, "Why is it when we talk to God, we're said to be prayingbut when God talks to us, we're schizophrenics?" The problem here lies in the stereotype: a deep, booming voice falling out of the sky, sternly setting out instructions of one sort or another. Another stock image is the dreamy, mystical encounter: no voices, just a bright light that surrounds and beams down on the person, who freezes in wonder, staring into the light, countenance shining with beatific delight, silently taking in the secret message. One of the things prayer teaches is that God speaks to us in more ways than we can count, in "voices" we can hardly imagine. It also teaches us how to hear God. And speak to us he does; we miss out on one of the great wonders of prayer if we neglect this part of prayer.

Forgetest Thou Queen Elizabeth I

If prayer is conversing with God, it helps us toss out a lot of unhelpful stereotypes right at the start. For one, the idea that God understands only people who talk like Shakespeare and litter their prayers with "thee" and "thou" and "shouldst" and "wouldst." There's a time and a place for such prayers, just as there is a time and a place to watch a Shakespeare play. But it's not something you should do at home (at least without a grammarian present!), nor is it a very effective way to converse with God.

This also means that prayer is not a formal speech. If asked to praybefore a meal, for instance most people will balk. They become nervous, hesitant, awkward. "Uh, well, I don't know. You know, I'm, not really very good at praying. Why don't you ask

someone else?" That's because they think good English is demanded and that a formal outline is to be followed, after which they'll be judged for their performance. In other words, they think they're being asked to make a speechsomething like, "O Lord God, creator of heaven and earth, giver of all blessings: We would give you hearty thanks for the bountiful meal set before us, and for the hands that have so lovingly prepared it. In the name of him who loved us and died for us. Amen." There are occasions when formal prayers are called for: at weddings and funerals, at graduation ceremonies, when installing someone into office, at worship. But in everyday life, prayer is not a speech at God as much as a means of speaking with God. Therefore, it doesn't have to elicit any more fear than talking to another person. When it comes to meal time graces, for example, it should be no more difficult to say "thank you'' to God for the food than it is to say "thank you" to the host for cooking: "Lord, thank you for this food and for those who prepared it. Amen."

A Relationship

When it comes to praying to God, you see, it's not much different than speaking with your spouse, a friend, or anyone else you're trying to have a close relationship with. In her classic book Prayer: Conversing with God, Rosalind Rinker put it this way: "Prayer is the expression of the human heart in conversation with God. The more natural the prayer, the more real he becomes. It has all been simplified for me to this extent: Prayer is a dialogue between two persons who love each other." Prayer is not a religious speech to a divine audience, or the groveling petition of a servant to an arbitrary master, or vague, spiritual thoughts directed to no one in particular. It is one key means of drawing ourselves closer to God and opening ourselves up so that God might draw closer to us. Of course, in terms of Christian theology, God is always closecloser than we are to ourselvesand he knows us better than we know ourselves.


One of the Psalms puts it this way:

O Lord, you have examined my heart and know everything about me.You know when I sit down or stand up.You know my every thought when far away. . . .You know what I'm going to say even before I say it, Lord. . . .Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to know. I can never escape your spirit!

I can never get away from your presence!

If I go up to heaven, you are there;if I go down to the place of the dead, you are there.If I ride the wings of the morning,if I dwell in the farthest oceans,even there your hand will guide me,and your strength will support me.Psalm 139


And how do we better understand this hand that silently guides us? How do we take in this strength that quietly supports us? You guessed it: prayer.

Problems Are No Problem

Some people, however, can't imagine that God has anything to say to them. Some wrestle with low self-esteem or are haunted by guilt, and they can't imagine that a holy and omnipotent God who rules the universe has time for them or has any interest in their "petty" little problemslet alone have a relationship with them. Others fight against the idea of prayer as conversation because they're afraid it may be true. If they acknowledge it and try to listen to God, some fear that they'll be told to sell their possessions and take up a missionary life in Africa. Others fear that by speaking with "the way, the truth, and the life," they will be forced to explore troubled regions of their inner selfareas they'd just as soon let be.

Some say they've tried prayer and that it didn't do any good. Or, they don't have the patience for it. Or, that they pray by doing good works. Some say it sounds too simple to be true. And on it goes. There are lots of reasonsmany of them good onesto distrust all this talk about conversation with God. Indeed, in many respects, it is preposterous to believe that God exists and that God wants to be in intimate relationships with people like you and me. But we are not the first age to have doubts about prayerafter all, it is a mystery, something that can never be fully explained or fully understood. It is something that believers have marveled at for centuries. One of the Psalms put it like this:

When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers the moon and the stars your have set in place what are mortals, that you should think of us?mere humans, that you should care for us? Psalm 8

Then again, any relationship is a mystery. After 40 years of marriage, a husband and wife still look at each other some days and wonder, "Who in the heck are you?" and "Why do you still love me?" Yet without fully understanding, the relationship goes on and is enjoyed immensely.


In the course of this book, we'll look at these and other problems that prayer presents, and we'll examine the ways Christians have handled them. As you'll see, though, problems are no reason to stop praying. Nor is the fact that prayer is ultimately a mystery. The most mysterious and complex things of life can be expressed in the simplest ways. When I say to my wife, "I love you," there's a lot going on therea lot of history, a lot of pain, a lot of ecstasy, a lot of wonder. But this remains a pretty darn good summing up. Prayer has history, pain, ecstasy, wonder, and a host of other dimensionsbut, in the end, it is conversation with God.